5 February 2012

Project Gut; Week One Status Report

Morning Custard Lovers!

No card from me today. Instead, I thought I'd tell you what I've been up to over at the new house this week...

So, you know about Flying Fluffie and Garden Shear Incident. Oh and the Fume-ungous Fun I had in the Conservatory. Well, I'm happy to report, I no longer have Anger Management Issues. Watch out Kirsty Allsopp, Fluffie is in the building. Knocking down walls is excellent therapy and saves on heating bills.

However, I must finally accept that there are significant differences between what happens in FayeWorld (AKA in my 'ed) and what happens on Planet Earth. Let me explain.

Here's what would happen in Fayeworld:
After knocking a hole in the previously mentioned wall, I would place a number of strategic whacks around the edge of the wall. I would approach the wall at speed, kicking it Kung Fu styley and the remaining wall would toppled over.

Here's what happened on Planet Earth:
After knocking a hole in the previously mentioned wall, I placed a number of strategic whacks around the edge of the wall. I approached the wall at speed, kicking it Kung Fu styley. My foot went through the wall, stopping at my knee. I then had to hop around for several minutes extracting previously mentioned foot (luckily not broken one). FYI - The remaining wall did not topple over.

Here's what would happen in FayeWorld.
I would load the skip (OCD style, AKA very neatly) with various household rubble, including the mahoosive skirting board including several six inch nails. Because the previously mentioned naily skirting board was too large for the skip, I would break it easily in half by placing my foot in the centre of the skirting board and pulling. Job done.

Here's what happened on Planet Earth:
I loaded the skip (OCD style, AKA very neatly) with various household rubble. Next up, the mahoosive skirting board including several six inch nails. Because the previously mentioned naily skirting board was too large for the skip, I placed my foot in the centre of the skirting board and pulled to snap it in half. My hand slipped and one of the previously mentioned six inch nails, went into the fleshy part of my thumb, palm side, effectively crucifying me. The words that subsequently came out of my mouth, did possibly have a religious connotation.

I can't wait until The Doc lends me the chainsaw to chop down the tree in the front garden...

Summary
Floor coverings removed; 6
Walls demolished; 1
Bulbs/ Flowers planted; 21
Paint used; 7.5 litres
Visits from various Trade Men; 5
Neighbours met; 3
Neighbour Relationship Damage Limitation Measures; 1
Cups of tea from Neighbours after Damage Limitation Measures invoked; 1
Injuries; 1 (foot was broken already so doesn't count)

20 comments:

Jen said...

lol xx sounds like you are having fun then....
mine is yet to start when the bathroom and kitchen both need to come out as soon as the boiler can be turned off

jen xxxx

Daniele said...

.......rofl, that would have been so funny explaining all that to the nurse at A&E, I only dropped a frozen chicken on my foot whilst balancing another in my hand and the nurse laughed her head off and then appologised. Have fun remodelling the rest of your new home.....hmmm wonder whart you have planned next
hugs

madebyKarla said...

Oh! please let someone else use the chainsaw!
Hope your thumb and foot are alright!
Take care :)

Jilli said...

PMSL ... sounds like your having fun ... do we get photos of the finished projects? ... perhaps before you cut your arm off with the chainsaw! xxx

Tracey T said...

Have you ever thought about turning your life into a sit-com? I'd watch! Hope your thumb is better today (err, tetanus jab anyone?)but if you can injure yourself with a nail I'm not sure I'd let you loose with a chainsaw! xx

Mary J said...

He he he!!! Very funny Faye but please don't damage yourself any more hun!!!

catherine said...

Oh Faye what a scream you are!! Just what i needed this morning to cheer me up!. I think you need to wrap some bubble wrap around yourself next time(ha ha). Please take it easy!.Have a great day and perhaps relax and craft
x catherine

Bananastamper said...

Good grief Faye - be careful girl! chainsaw? Yikes! Glad to hear that tearing down the wall was therapeutic at least, lol!
Banana
p.s. Please wear your safety gear when you use the chainsaw...

Violets Corner said...

Ooo...a chainsaw next...do you have to dear?

Ah, well, stay warm and very safe.

Love
Maarit

PS the card below is fab!!!

Jo said...

erm, you know I love you, right? but let me say this... PLEASE don't go anywhere near a chainsaw!!!

C.S. xx

McCrafty's Cards said...

Rofl what are you like,I have a vision of you attached to the skirting board, Chainsaw eek not a good idea.
Kevin xx

Delphine said...

Can't you be careful??? Don't you know there are people who need you??? Sending you BIG healing hugs:-) Delphine xxx

Jane said...

Stick to card making!

coops said...

haha you are so funny.i would get someone else to holdthe chainsaw.lol.

xx coops xx

Lizy said...

Hi Faye!
Haha I was really LOL-ing at your summary of ongoing work! Brilliant! I hope your hand isn't too injured to craft though...I'm so looking forward to being on SS with you! :)
Lizy x

Grenouille Greetings said...

I still have no recollection of broken foot but to avoid further injury please send me the doc's address so I can tell him to NOT, under any circumstances, lend you his chain saw. Also, have you ever stopped to notice why men on building sites wear really strong doc martin style boots, hard hats and heavy duty leather gloves? I suspect you missed those details whilst checking out their 6 packs but they do have a purpose. I have designated myself as your HSE officer and I must tell you that proper safety equipment is to be worn at all times whilst on site! Dooooo take care, Fluff! Hope your thumb, foot and all other body parts mend soon! Hugs, Lesley

Amanda R said...

Hmmm, well I would tell you to behave and do things safely except I totally understand where you are coming from so all I can say is "Go Faye Go, Go Faye Go!" And take some pictures so we can see. Maybe you can tape yourself and send them into one of those "funniest home videos" and win some money!

The Doc said...

To re-assure all part time Health and Safety officers amongst you my chainsaw comes with protective equipment in the form of a large bottle of White Lightning cider to be totally consumed immediately before starting work. It won't stop accidents but you won't feel them either!

Vicky said...

Do take care? Sorry for laughing at your accidents!

Debs said...

Oh Faye
I have loved reading this post - are you a stand up comedian IRL?
If not - maybe it could be a new career for you :o)
Hope the thumb and foot are getting better.
Have a fab fluffy day.
Debs xx